Bigger Than Ever

Who is Biggah? Biggah is Boogah. To understand this idea I must explain a little bit about what I call demographic personality. Where I originate from isn’t important, where it I grew up is. I come from the Northeast which is an interesting place in its own right. One of the things which make this an interesting place to be raised in is because of the weather. Weather has a great deal to do with our mood and attitude. Thus I think it is fair to say that weather has a great deal to do with your personality.
New England, “pahk the cah, why don’t you go fuck ya’self and go sox!” New England is full of accentuated and colorful language. One town in particular that is somewhat left in its own bubble would be the town or planet I grew up in. There are three adjectives I like to you use in order to effectively emphasize the place that I come from. That would be Leominster, Massachusetts the land of scorn, sarcasm and ridicule. These are the three characteristics that are the result of humid summer mosquito hatches and the rawness of salt and sand petrifying the long cold winter. People get stuck inside quite often due to the weather. This means people have to be stuck inside with their family members more often than not. This leads to “cabin fever” and the desire to make people as miserable as you. Being stuck indoors make men aggressive and uneasy like a dog tied to a post. Women enjoy and want to be sexy but have to be confined and covered within heavy sweaters. Frustrated women are a guarantee. All these factors aid in the creation of a personality that really is within its own demographic.
In this town, where on average most people don’t know what century it is, exists an establishment called Lidio’s. I was born in Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston but really I was constructed in the belly of this restaurant. Working in a primordial Italian kitchen and through the process of mental osmosis, I soaked up the fundamental skills to being a line cook. When I was in elementary school I wasn’t very successful in terms of academics. To my misfortune this carried into my adult life. However, I had an enduring sense and keen interest in disrupting class and fooling around. I had a handful of partners in crime to assist with my interests. I was that kid who when he laughed would blow snot-bubbles out his nose and because of the cold weather I had plenty of mucus.
At thirteen I got really chubby and started washing dishes at Lidio’s. It was my first official job and would ultimately have a lot to do with how I got here. I worked at Lidio’s through the remaining half of seventh grade and like in the classroom; in the kitchen I too had boogers. Being surrounded by a group of dysfunctional, accentuated and colorful men from all backgrounds I couldn’t help but laugh all the time. I had never heard such mouthfuls of profanity and vulgar descriptions about things relating to sex and disfigures. Again, I laughed all the time. With the laughter came the snot-bubbles and this carried on for some time. My nickname quickly became Booger Ben which shortened out to Boogah. I would walk in the kitchen and hear from every angle, “Boogah, ya’ son of a bitch” and “Boogah you ain’t nevah gonna get laid!” This lasted for a good year and half until the summer going into high school.
Up to this point I had begun to learn the lingo and was more than happy to have a place to be. It was better to be stuck in that kitchen than at home. I also began to start learning some of the stations on the line and was eager to become a cook. Since I had learned the lingo, I had learned how to “bust balls” which eventually landed me a spot on the line. I also had a huge growth spurt and grew about seven inches that summer. My name and kitchen position was suitably destined for a change.
This growth spurt, although pretty damn close, didn’t happen overnight and all the guys on the line witnessed it. Not only did I add height that summer but I also added a name that would forever be connected to me when I was on that planet, in a century that exists in a bubble in the land of ridicule. Booger Ben had become Bigger Ben which in turn sounded like this, “Biggah thanks for coming in again, Biggah great job tonight, Biggah you still ain’t evah gonna get laid!” Even now when I go home to visit during Christmas in this foreign yet all so common galaxy in those raw winters, I still carry the title of Biggah. With total sagacity and no sarcasm, if I were to ever open a restaurant it would justifiably be called; Bigger Than Ever.